I know, the title is confusing. CONFUSING should be the theme of my life right now. I’m so confused…but I won’t totally go there right now. I wanted to talk about focus—which is something I can be really good at sometimes (like when I want something…a Ph.D., an infrared sauna…). I suppose you could also call this focus something else, maybe impatience. Kristina and I joke all the time about how we want things instantly after we’ve decided we want them. I’m not necessarily talking about material things, although that category is included.
I consider myself very lucky—I have everything I want that actually means something. I have three jobs too, and I think I want them. I mean, I don’t want three jobs, but I want the effects of the three jobs: the experience I’m getting from teaching online, the benefits I get from wellness coaching, the interactions with people…and right now, my single-minded focus is on paying off my debt. All of it. I want to have it all gone—and this includes $15,000 in student loans plus some amount I owe my grandpa in car payments (I don’t pay attention to the balance on that—I pay $300 a month till he tells me to stop).
Over the last few months I have thoroughly enjoyed sharing my obsession passion for food with Kristina and with all of you. It’s fun and healthy (mostly) and exciting to try new things. It can also be very expensive. I made myself face the fact that I was stopping at Lori’s Natural Foods everyday (almost) after work “just to pick up a few things.” Well, I don’t know if you’ve been to Lori’s, but I don’t think I’ve ever spent less than $40 at a time in there. Wegmans is also 1/4 mile from my home. This can be devastating to my bank account!
Note, I’m not sad about it. I don’t wish I didn’t spend all that time and money on food and creating (and sometimes throwing away) new recipes. I just need to re-focus for a bit. So, I set a goal for March. I went to Lori’s and Wegmans this weekend, and I’m only going to the store once a week during the month of March (with the exception of stopping for wheatgrass if I’m desperate because my attempts at growing it have still all been moldy so far). I have a weekly budget for food too, and I’m not going out to eat or drink.
Why? Because I’m insanely focused on paying off my debt, and I can’t do it if I’m dwindling my paychecks on fancy healthy food. I’m lucky I have three jobs so I have the extra income to cover my frivolity, but I’d like to try and see if it makes a difference to my end-of-month extra loan payment if I stay out of the store on most days of the week. It will also probably benefit me by giving more time to get all this friggin’ work done.
What can you crazy-focus on for a month, day, week, that would allow you to see something about yourself more clearly or allow you to achieve some goal?
Oh, and I know I won’t have my debt paid off by the end of March, but I just want to see what the end balance is in my account if I actually try to save money.
p.s. I don’t have mint extract or all the ingredients I need, so my next attempt at the Shamrock Shake has to wait till next weekend!